


Double Edged sword

by McKangsty



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Multi, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-22 12:44:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKangsty/pseuds/McKangsty
Summary: The 6 months after math of the attempted Daxamite invasion onwards and the strain that it caused throughout the lives of National city.Prompted myself;''Look at her Miss Danvers! Really... look. She's as cold and dead as that stare she's giving me right now, there's no use in loving the dead; do you want to know why?''''Enlighten me.'' She tried to snarl but it wavered amongst the sheer amount of emotion she was feeling at this moment in time.''Because, Kara... they can't feel a thing!''  Edge ephasised with his trademark smirk.''However, If you want to follow her into the grave, be my guest.''





	1. What's to come

**Author's Note:**

> Usually I'm quite careful of what I type and re-write a lot, adding as many descriptives as I can but I don't want to lose momentum and give up, so I'll just type/write fast and hope it doesn't come across too simple. I also edit partial chapter uploads so It'll be bumpy regardless. Sorry in advance.

In the days following the invasion of the Daxams on National city, it was hard to tell if the City took more damage or Kara. Both were in ruins. Only there was no respite for her, no dust left to settle, no guardian angel to lift her back up the way she had the fallen structures. She'd closed herself off from the world at large, it was the only way.

In her mind it was a cascade of loss, not only to the residents of her city but to her personal life. The line between Kara the reporter and Supergirl never felt so blurred. She kept reiterating to herself it was the only choice, there was no other way, but the sense of loss was overwhelming. She knew to the outside world it was but a short relationship but to Kara it was so much more. To know you age differently to those you love, and would eventually outlive them as they grow old before your eyes. For your own strength to be a weakness was an oxymoron of sorts, but if she ever held Alex as tight or as close as she had held Mon-el...all that would remain is the lifeless remains of her sister. Although It did not alter the depth of her love of Alex, Eliza, Jeremiah, Winn, James or Lena it did weigh on her mind; never hold on too tight least they crumble beneath your hands.

It was around day three that the majority of debris had been cleared with the joint effort of Supergirl and the cities workforce. Lena Luthor had donated a substantial amount toward the work effort in order to rebuild the decimation National city had been left with. Now the restoration could begin. Kara had been working none stop as her super alter ego as Catco media had garnered so much damage, all the staff were working generally from home and collaborating mostly via skype in order to keep the news flowing out into the city. Fortunately the printing press was further out therefore enabling the press to continue regardless. Catco was a force for good the majority of the time even without Cat Grant at the helm trying as they might to assure the people all will be restored to it's former glory soon enough, and the threat of invasion was no more.

Kara hovered over her city below taking stock of what remained, a sour mixture of emotion. Torn between the sky above and what lay below. Inhaling the chilled atmospheric air and sighing it wholly back out, the cold barely gnawed at her in comparison to what it would do to a human at this altitude. But she felt it just enough to numb her senses... just a touch. It calmed her briefly, it was a start.

 

''Supergirl?'' Alexs' voice called through the comms. Breaking the momentary silence or relative silence for Karas' Kryptonian nature that is.

  
''Alex..what's wrong?''

  
''Nothing I was just checking in...are you alright?''

  
''I'm fine Alex, the city is clear for rebuilding.''

  
''You made quick work of it.''

  
''It wasn't all me.''

  
''I know but...''

 

''If there are no emergencies Agent Danvers I'm going to head back home, call me if anything crops up.''

  
''Please talk to me Superg..''

  
''There is nothing to say.''

 

Hearing Alexs' voice ring so clearly amongst the otherwise docile breeze suddenly brought forward another wave of pain that sunk low in her chest. The reality of the voices within the city began ringing out clearer and clearer. Karas' control on her powers always wavered in times of difficulty such as stress, anger, sadness. Barriers ebbed in and out. People arguing on the streets below, the faint cries of grief resonated within her. Scrunching up her eyes in concentration she tried to force them back, controlling and counting her breaths; coercing her senses into submission slowly but surely. Her brilliantly deep blue eyes peeking out as she tentatively opened her eyelids, her surroundings partially muted once again. The wind now her only companion blowing moderately against her highlighted golden hair, whipping it gently in synchronicity with the blood red of her cape. A modicum of calm restored.

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile at Lenas' apartment the youngest Luthor was worrying tracks back and forth through her charcoal plush rug, in front of her long comforting sofa. The apartment itself was no home baron of photographs but homely after a fashion and the closest she had, in the city anyway. It was a stark contrast to her office at L-Corp. Gone were the blinding white surfaces in comparison to the dark tones throughout her current residence. The living room was a darker shade of charcoal than the rug highlighted by black and silver curtains, as well as furniture plus accessories. Whereas the reading room it lead to via a semi open arch was a rich emerald set off by dark wood and gold fittings. A surprise to many she assumes, but no one had ever set foot here ever since she had moved in and redecorated to her taste. A fact Lena wished wasn't true, perhaps if she'd been more open to trust, to friendships... namely Kara, she wouldn't be in her current predicament. She'd tried to contact Kara after everything had transpired, asking whether she was hurt at Catco or anywhere else really throughout the attacks. The only response she'd received was Kara telling her she had indeed been injured but she'd be _'fine'_ in a few days. Lena tried to probe further, asking in what way? how severe? could she help? or see her? but she was given nothing but a false promise of health and silence ever since.

So Lena had contacted the hospitals to ask whether a Kara Danvers had been admitted but was rewarded with nothing in return and now Lena Luthor was anything but calm.

 

 

 


	2. Reach back for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this on my phone hope the formatting is okay? Feedback welcome keep it polite though if possible 

Kara floated gently back through her apartment window although faster than any human eye could see, making quick work of her super suit exchanging it for the comfort of grey sports fitted joggers which were unbelievably soft to the touch and a white oversized long sleeved tee. She reached up and threaded her fingers through her hair correcting the windswept tangles in a lackluster effort to tame it after a day of tireless work. She had every intention of delaying a shower to wash away the smell and debris of this current days work, too exhausted by the start of a hectic weeks hard ministrations. Although when she pulled her hands back down she noticed how dirty they'd become and slowly made her way to the sink washing her hands thoroughly eyes closed she inhaled a calming breath that was what she needed right now calm more than anything. However, not everything tends to go as one plans. In Karas' experience often the opposite applies; unlike her super persona.

A smart rap at the door startled Kara from her haze, not much could usually given her personified hearing but she chalked it up to exhaustion, not bothering to check whom was at the door she glided over unlocking the bolt and almost shyly pulled it ajar. Her mood really wasn't compatible with company but it was better to deal with the trespasser sooner than later, she didn't need anymore cacophonies added to her day. 

"Lena, hi?" The inflection of her voice did nothing to hide her surprise or trepidation of this sudden appearance. Her heart sped up rapidly for a mixture of reasons but not all apparent. The forefront of those being she'd told Lena she'd been injured enough to keep her home but not enough to warrant worry. Kara was definately worried now, faced with the deep searching and appraising look Lena was giving her right now. Her emerald and hazel dotted eyes boring into her.  _Why is she looking at me that way?_

"Kara?" Lena questioned, "Are you alright? You look a little pale, May I come in?" Lena reached forward palm up toward Kara as some kind of subconscious gesture of care, openness and a potential safety net least Kara took a funny turn, which by sight alone seemed plausible.

"Kara?" She stepped closer to the ajar door.

"Ye- yeah, sorry hi Lena" Kara pulled back minutely wrapping her left arm instinctively around her waist.

"You said that already Kara." Concern laced throughout Lenas' words.

"I'm okay just a little bump to my head made me a little more scattered than usual" Kara faux laughed and lied, trying to brush off the odd vulnerability ebbing through her.

"Please umm, come in, sorry Lena." She moved back opening the door further gesturing her best friend to enter.

"What ever for?"

" I... I just weirdness I guess, I'm just not myself."

"I can tell" Lena responded kindly as she moved into the apartment, poorly lit in comparison to usual. "You look different too."

Karas' heart stuttered in her chest, closing the door she momentarily lent a knee against it head bowed. Not only was her hair down entirely but she'd also forgotten to replace her glasses upon arrival, as she'd not anticipated company.  _Oh my Rao, no wonder Lena was staring at me! Quick think of something._ Kara slowly began to right herself when she suddenly jolted her knee back into the door, Lena had snuck up on her again! in her preoccupied state and layed a warm open palm between her shoulders lightly rubbing up and down as if coaxing Kara back to the ground again.

"Owh" Kara feigned slightly, after all that'd be the normal response to the impact from the startled knee jerk reaction.

"Kara, I'm sorry I never meant to scare you, you just look faint. Talk to me?" Lenas' left hand came around and splayed gently on Karas' waist more towards her surprisingly toned stomach as if steadying her. 

"I'm okay honestly, I'm just more tired than usual... I swear." Her breathing had become more erratic. Which had not gone unnoticed by the trained Luthor eye. _Now_ 's _not the time to fly into a panic attack, she's going to be more suspicious than ever now, pull yourself together Danvers!!_

 "Turn around."

"What!" Kara essentially squeeked. 

"Your breathing and heart rate are going a mile a minute Kara turn around and let me help you."

"I can't, it's.. it's I can't."

"Kara I think you're having a panic attack, let me help you." Kara sunk lower palms splayed against the cooler texture of the door. Lena followed suit.

"Breathe Kara, in and out...now slower"

Screwing her eyes up Kara tried to steady herself, her thoughts, feelings, smells, senses touch were all blurring. Dredging up everything from the week gone by and further still. She needed space, quiet, air, away from the thrumming of her own heart versus Lenas'; who's sounded anything but as collected as her words. 

"Lena!"

"I'm here."

"No, you need to go... I need you to...to go." Kara replied almost as if pleading.

"Kara I can't just leave you whilst your having an attack."

"GO!!" The yell bursting from the usually passive reporter surprised them both, Kara had never spoken to Lena like that before, she never wanted to.

"No, Kara you can yell all you like but what kind of person would I be if I did?"

"One who respected my wishes" Kara rasped, air becoming harder to draw in.

"P...Please." She added between broken breaths.

"I can't." Lena whispered sounding almost as distraught.

So Lena did the one thing someone currently having a panic attack really doesn't want under any circumstance, even if it'll help ultimately; she wrapped herself around Kara. Her right hand glancing over her shoulders and around her upper right arm and down across her ribs the other tightening it's placement from earlier curling around the blondes waist and up to meet her other hand forming a tight embrace. Needless to say Kara began to panic more initially, first by going stock still and holding her breath, then repeatedly whispering to be let go. Unbeknownst to Lena the blonde was fighting the urge not to rip from her grasp in a not so delicate fashion but even in her traumatic state the Kryptonian knew she could hurt Lena beyond belief if she did. So she stopped fighting it and started focusing on the warmth encasing her, the smell of flowers eminating from Lena, the chin that rested near the nape of her neck (Lena must have brushed her hair aside) the air that tickled her as Lena exhaled and the hairs that stood up in response. The images and thoughts that were cascading out of control eventually started to take form again; enough that she could take command of her limbs once more. She swore she felt the brush of a lower lip on the edge of her t-shirt as Lena readjusted her head, lip to nose until her brow rested against Karas' heated skin. Tentatively with eyes still closed she held Lenas' arms tighter to her midriff if only for a moment and slowly ran her right palm up the length of Lenas' left forearm until she met her elbow, there she squoze gently, as if to say thank you. For now atleast.

 

 

 


	3. Wall versus eyebrow

Silent tears graced the planes of Karas' face, her fear had transformed into a sour mixture of comfort and anger at that comfort in question. She was supposed to be shutting off her humanity. Locking it away, but Lena seeing her almost in her alien or bare form controversially brought her vulnerability to the surface, sending her spiralling into her second episode of the day, albeit a worse one. Her anger stemmed not from the intrusion surprisingly or even the refusal on Lenas' behalf when begged to leave, but the weakness she was unable to hide and the subsequent ease she felt in her friends arms. She'd just lost a loved one at both her hands and Lenas' and yet in her arms she felt safe. She should not be at ease. She'd failed to save Mon-el, fallen short of protecting others amongst the invasion, the city left in rubbles. She needed to be stronger than this. She couldn't lose another World. Never again.

Kara shifted, steeling herself for her next move. With little warning she shrugged Lena off of her gently but purposefully; lowering her head in sudo shame. In reality Kara was guarding her appearance from the intellectual in the room and somewhere between a stride and a scurry made quick work of reaching the table, collecting her discarded glasses and abruptly sliding them back on, it was all it took those few seconds to build up her walls once again. Perhaps that was a super power all in itself. She gently swept the pads of her fingers beneath her red rimmed eyes capturing the remnants of tears and sniffed away all traces of treacherous emotions.

"Feeling better?" A small voice rang behind her. Spinning towards the sound Kara almost landed on the table in her surprise.

"You've got to stop doing that you know."

"Asking if you're okay?" Lena smirked.

"No... that's fine it's the sneeky ninja skills you've suddenly acquired that keeps catching me off guard. Either that or my head injury has affected my senses ...not really sure which." The blonde tried to improvise.

"You are more jumpy than usual I'll admit, though I think most are given recent events. What did your Doctor say in regards to your head? Or potential post trauma of the events..."

"Oh er not...much? You know they had alot of patients given everything."

"Huh strange." Lenas' brow rose distinctly.

"Is it?" Kara didn't like the inquisitive look she was recieving one bit, Lena was too smart for her own good as well as Karas' but she mainly meant her own in this current moment.

"Well given the attacks on Catco and my inability to reach you after the fact, I may have contacted local hospitals to make sure you were alright, none of which had admitted a Kara Danvers."

"Oh well no obviously..." Kara emitted her deep somewhat guilty laugh when she tried to brush things off quite poorly. Lenas' eyebrow crept higher which if truth be told Kara wasn't aware it could.  _I'm in trouble regardless of what I say next aren't I...choose your words wisely._

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"No...?"  _It was worth a shot... ohhh that's not a happy look, elaborate you fool!!_

"I mean yes, yes I would. So yeah, they were super busy and all and I was fine just you know a little dazed from...falling. When I tried to hide from the Daxamites, I fell backwards in the flurry of things and knocked myself out on the edge of a desk. Funny looking back now, probably saved my life as they most likely thought I was dead anyway, you know?"

"A) you never mentioned anything about a Doctor or treatment, B) you never said you were rendered unconscious Kara!"

"Didn't I? My bad, er so I saw a medic later on when conscious ... obviously" Kara scoffed midway through. "And I said I didn't need to go to the hospital as they'd be backed up for days with more serious injuries and they said to keep an eye out for any other symptoms. I'm all good honest."

"So what you're saying is; you never actually saw a Doctor, you then refused proper medical care from a paramedic I'm assuming? with a suspected concussion no less from being knocked clear out and you've locked yourself in your home, alone, without anyone to check whether you're alive or dead. Is that what I'm hearing?" Lenas' voice was dangerously calm and deep, unnervingly so.

"Noo, it's not that bad! I have my sister Alex she checks up on me every day, it's fine, I'm fine. Oh and Alex is a Doctor so technically I have seen one of those." she winced in anticipation.

"You're sister Alex is a FBI agent and a Doctor?" Slight mistrust laced Lenas' words.

"She's the brains of the family, I'm better at scrambling mine."

"Kara!"

"Sorry." She rubbed her neck awkwardly wincing, a moment ago her walls were up, now down once more, though as serious as Lena was Kara couldn't help but feel more normal after the exchange.

 "You're aware we'll be talking in further detail about this when you're feeling better, yes?"

"Yeah I figured."

"I also want to talk to Alex." Lena definitively stated.

"What! Why?" Kara almost whined, talking to her big sister was a blow she wasn't expecting from Lena of all people she didn't even know Alex bar the brief meeting they had.

"It's either your sister or I drive you to the hospital myself right now. Your choice."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay?"

"Was that a question or an answer Kara?"

"An answer" she grumbled.

"I thought you and Alex were close?"

"We are, I just feel like a kid in trouble when someone's asking for Alex in regards to me."

"You kinda are..."

"A kid or in trouble?"

"I'd say borderline both given your reaction."

"Hey!"

"Point validated. Well, are you going to call her, or am I?" She stared Kara down.

"Now!!!?" The blonde was genuinely flabbergasted at this turn of events, but honestly didn't have the strength to put up a fight at this point.

"Yes Kara, now."

It would appear Kryptonite was one thing but Lena Luthor was something else entirely.

 


	4. Set adrift

The next day at the DEO wasn't as remotely busy as Kara had hoped, which meant more time for Alex to grill her as to why she had to have an in-depth conversation with Lena about Karas' faux-ish head injury. Not only that but via Karas' cellphone! Alex would have found this far more enjoyable and humourous under average circumstances. However, there was a tinge of jealously that didn't stay subdued for long, the previous day she'd answered Karas' call in haste, hoping that her baby sister was finally going to allow her to help. Only to realise she was on the phone to none other than Lena Luthor. The blonde tried to explain she'd not allowed Lena to visit she'd simply turned up at her apartment when Alex had all been shunned from the residence when she herself had tried to call by. They kept rehashing the odd comment or what felt like jibes to Kara until it all came to a head later that afternoon.

 "So let me get this straight, you let Lena in but not me, is what you're saying?"

"I.. Alex it was the situation there was more to it I swear and she doesn't know the whole story, for all she knows I could have been more seriously injured than I'd let on!" She tried to appeal to Alex without revealing too much i.e the panic attack she'd undergone.

"You were!"

"Admittedly Rhea bleeding Kryptonite infused blood was alarming, yes..." Kara chuckled lightly trying to use humour to stear away from dangerous questions that could of arose from her last statement.

"Did her punching me repeatedly in the head hurt... also yes. But I'm fine now Alex, a little bit of Sun was all I needed for my headaches to subside."

"I wasn't simply talking about that and you know it." Alex held up her index finger eyebrows partially arched making her point even clearer.

"I know but you know I'm not ready to talk about that, so will you just please give it a break!" The tone startled the brunette.

"Wow, really Kara? you're angry at me for caring now?" Although the DEO was quite baron of employees at the moment on other assignments to aid the recovery of the city; Alex still had the good sense to angry stage whisper, as apposed to outrightly yelling. Which to be perfectly honest she wasn't above given her confusion and anger at Karas' new found ability at severe avoidance. Although, given the Kryptonians' subpar skills when sneakiness is involved most were already aware of her dualities given name. A few days were to most nothing of concern but given their uniquely close bond it felt to Alex as if they were currently a universe apart. Little did she know now.

"I'm angry because you won't listen to me, if I don't want to talk about it then there is a good reason and you trying to bring it up every five minutes isn't helping me, like you claim you're trying to do!"

"Fine talk to Lena about it then."

"What!? I'm not going to talk to her about it or anyone for that matter. What's wrong with you and why are you being all anti Lena all over again?"

"I'm not."

"YOU ARE!"

"Jeeze keep it down!"

"Why, so the rest of the DEO doesn't hear how petty you're being?" Karas' reply was more bitter than intended. Which in hindsight is probably what pushed the DEO agent over the edge.

"You know what...don't talk to me! or Lena! or anyone else for that matter, just bottle it up like you're trying so desperately to do, let's see how far that gets you!!!" The eldest practically hollered the length of the building  surprising the few that were stationed here, Winn practically recoiled behind Vasquez. Alex followed this with an exaggerated sigh at the whole scenario. She hoped yelling Luthors' name wouldn't come back to bite her.

Karas' brow tightened significantly, scowling down at her sister, eyes on the brink of burning. If any other were beneath this look courtesy of Supergirl they'd in all likelihood lose bowel control. Her jaw clenched, blinking slowly, restoring the subdued blue of her eyes flecked with pain. Taking a steady breath she uttered but one word.

"Alright." Her cape swept angrily behind her strong stride, headed to the balcony before taking off entirely.

"K.. Supergirl, I didn't mean it!!!"

 


End file.
